Sunday, July 3, 2011

Das Sepulchre meiner Existenz

When I was young I used to have recurring nightmares, I had them even before I could remember my life, my mother told me at one point that I used to scream bloody murder all the time in my sleep. Night Terrors she and my father were worried, of course this was before life went south for everyone in the family. But I used to have dreams of death before I could walk, when I got older and told my mother of the memories of my dreams she told me there was no way I could remember that far back, she didn't believe me until I started giving accurate details of our house and events of that time, I had recurring nightmares of death and decay, one recurring dream was of a huge temple like area made of sandstone with skeletons propped as if they were delivering a service or ritual, another would be of seeing decaying corpses in various parts of the house,  I used to read into these and other dreams I had that seemed supernatural deeply, I believe now that whatever mystical message or purpose they had for me were simple or maybe just myself being aware of death at a young age. When I was younger, a teenager/early twenties, I never feared death, actually I sought it quite often with intentional over use of drugs, trying to get high on caustic chemicals, trying at times to overdose, I wasn't afraid to die. And it was all too real several times, blacking out on some substance or other, saying to myself, this is it, its over... At those points when I most likely should have died, where I lost cognition, I didn't see another side it was just empty, the only real experience I have had with other places was with salvia and only recently. I had done salvia before but never had cognition or linear thinking like I had this past year, once was just an attempt to have a true out of body experience, another was to evoke a deity or as I have been told, a mask of the void. I know there is another side, but the dimensions are nothing like here and there are so many angles to go that it is overwhelming. I don't necessarily believe in gods angels demons or anything that you can find in books, at least none I have read. but there are something else out there, and other angles of existence at least I have experienced them even if just in hallucination, which makes them real on some level. so i am going to write a pseudo-fictional idea of these things from my brief encounter in my next post.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Nothing is True...

Nothing is True, Everything is Possible, The leader of the Assassins made a huge point of this when he had servants who were willing to jump from cliffs, of course because he created the illusion of heaven for them before hand. The thing is we all believe in things that aren't necessarily real. Its not that we have separate realities its that we have separate experiences which filter our perceptions. I have come to a point where I can see where anyone is right and anyone is wrong at any given moment. When I was younger I was raised baptist, I used to have dreams of the world ending, one in particular was one where I was at the door to my house and was told god was coming, then a great blue lightning covered bearded face that was translucent came through the door, threw me to the ground, and was intoning AHHHHHH like a buddhist monk, at the time I thought god was showing me my life had a powerful purpose for the end times, I was a christian child at the time, when I was into the occult as a teenager I thought it was a wise spirit or merlin or maybe even zeus imbuing me with power, when I was into kabbalah in my later years I thought it was an angel or maybe even the voice of god speaking to me in retrospect. Today I realize through contemplation that we watched the movie ten commandments alot with charlseton heston, and thats exactly what the face was. I have done some pretty supernatural shit in my life, however I have also chosen to believe in some fairly outlandish shit because of coincidences. Some of you will say there is no such thing as a coincidence, you're idiots. Of course there is, there is tons of meaningless shit in the world it only has meaning because we want it to, and you're idea of meaning might be different than someone elses doesn't make it right or wrong just different. there is no right or wrong good or evil, unless it is within the filter or illusion of social interaction. Nothing is true except for, cause and effect, if I light a match and throw it in the right order of wood I get a fire, I can do this without question in front of any person, even if someone came up to me and didn't belive in fire I could do this, I guess this rant for anyone who reads it is to say, let go of your daydreams for a second, your distractions, and do something that actually has an affect instead of something that makes you forget whats really going on, if you can't prove something don't spout off with your theories and ideas as if they are actualized, and finally, just because someones moral compass spins differently than yours doesn't make them worse than you, its just different thats all, if more people spent time trying to problem solve instead of bitching or protesting or whatever the fuck people do on the fringe these days, we might actually see some change in the world. Let go of false ideas, if you can't prove your power or magick, then stop talking about it, if you haven't made a breakthrough with years of protest or petitioning, look for another option, and above all else, if it seems like nothing is going to change, then change yourself there is always that option. Being poor is a choice, it might not seem that way but you've obviously duped yourself into believing that it is if you think this statement is wrong, Unless you are locked in a cell you still have the freedom to choose, the only thing that could stop anyone from anything is ignorance, learning is always an option, but above all else you do have the ability to create new illusions there is that option too, those of you that truly know me might see the actuality of my statements because of who I am and where I have been, those of you that think you know me however most likely think I am being a pretentious ass, those of you that really know the world, just see it as another piece of something that just,
it is what it is...